there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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