Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
