I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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