We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
