No stitches, just platelets and will power
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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