i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
