I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
What drink are we having for lunch?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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