But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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