He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
