Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
