PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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