I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
be right there i have to get my cape
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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