Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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