The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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