i wish semen tasted like chocolate
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
