the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
