All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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