just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
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Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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