i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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