i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
