this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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