u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
