do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
