he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
