He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
