btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How's work?
Spinning.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
