If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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