WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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