Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
