I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
