how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize