Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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