well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
