I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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