I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
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