I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
