i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
