I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
