A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
