so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
