wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
