Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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