I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
