i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Drake has all the answers
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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