i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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