hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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