It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
