just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
