Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
