I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i was born a porn star she said
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
