where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
