God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My liver just broke up with me...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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