a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
