i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize