Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
