I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
