Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
