After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
my poor anus
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
