Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Still dying that you shit outside
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
