you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
