in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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