there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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