didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
